Otaku Translation: Honey Badger's Streaming Life C122

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Chapter 122: The Infuriating Gu Lang

Run!

Run right now!

At this moment, everyone present had only one thought in their minds. Experts often advise that if you encounter a bear in the wild, stay calm and don’t run. The correct course of action is to lie down and play dead. But Wang Ping wasn’t sure whether those who gave such advice had ever actually faced a bear in the wilderness. From what he’d heard, very few people survived unscathed by pretending to be dead.

Others suggested that if chased by a bear, you should run downhill because humans have an easier time descending slopes than four-legged animals. At high speeds, quadrupeds were prone to stumbling or losing their footing.

But given the current terrain, no one had the luxury of choice—or time for that matter. Besides, they weren’t exactly teammates. Whether they could outrun the black bear was beside the point; all they needed to do was outrun each other.

Just as Wang Ping was about to shout at Gu Lang to flee, his peripheral vision caught sight of a figure darting closer. Turning around, he was horrified to see Damuge rushing toward Gu Lang, knife in one hand aiming for his lower back while the other reached for the shotgun gripped tightly in Gu Lang’s hands.

“Grrr!” Wang Ping let out a furious roar, leaping up and pouncing toward Damuge.

Seeing the enraged honey badger-like creature lunging at him, Damuge deflected his attack with a swift slash of his blade, then snatched the shotgun from Gu Lang’s grasp before spinning on his heel and bolting away.

“Damuge!” Naktu, watching as Damuge sprinted past him, cried out in frustration: “Aren’t you going to save Sasgo?!”

“Save your nonsense! Are you stupid?” Damuge spat back without slowing down. As he passed by the pile of bear entrails Wang Ping had earlier smashed with pine cones, he scooped them up and stuffed them into his backpack, heading westward.

“Fine! If you won’t go, I will!” Naktu shouted, turning east toward the woods. But after just a few steps, under the watchful eyes of both Gu Lang and Wang Ping, he abruptly pivoted and raced back, his face flushed red, trailing behind Damuge instead.

Through the trees to the east, a massive black shape loomed, barreling forward with terrifying speed.

“Holy crap, it really is that bear!” Wang Ping recognized the familiar silhouette of the enormous black bear. Before he could react, he felt a sharp tug on his tail and found himself yanked upside-down through the air.

“What’s going on?!” Looking up, Wang Ping saw Gu Lang holding him by the tail, expressionless as he broke into a sprint after Damuge.

“Heh…” Wang Ping grimaced, veins throbbing in his forehead. “Gu Lang, are you scared senseless again?”

“Oh yeah, my drone’s still stuck up in that tree!”

Before Wang Ping could squirm free, Gu Lang accelerated, thighs pumping powerfully—and crashing straight into Wang Ping’s head. The blow reopened a fresh wound, sending searing pain coursing through the poor honey badger. Then, like some grotesque carnival ride, Wang Ping was swung back and forth, occasionally colliding painfully with Gu Lang’s muscular legs. It didn’t take long before dizziness overtook him, akin to motion sickness.

In the live stream chat room, viewers heard only a cacophony of panicked shouts followed by the sound of footsteps and labored breathing. Eventually, even the panting faded, leaving only the rustle of leaves stirred by the wind.

“So… what just happened?” A question floated across the screen, unanswered.

“Ugh, these streaming devices are so limited. Why doesn’t Douyu get its streamers professional gear?” someone complained in the comments.

“For real!” another chimed in.

“A platform this big, and the hardware can’t keep up? Pathetic.”

“Douyu sucks.”

“Ugh, here we go again, waiting forever. So annoying!”

Chen Bai, monitoring the stream, gritted his teeth in frustration.

“That idiot Gu Lang—what equipment could possibly withstand his antics? Should I assign him a cameraman? Does he think he’s Bear Grylls or something? And even if I did send one, the poor guy would probably end up mauled too!”

It was late afternoon, nearing quitting time. Chen Bai slumped back in his chair, unsure whether he was more irritated by the audience’s complaints or the prospect of having to work overtime yet again.

Meanwhile, in the forest, Naktu and Damuge noticed Gu Lang relentlessly trailing behind them, fueling their rage.

“Damn it, why are you following us?! Split up and run! Go away!” Damuge barked furiously, half-tempted to turn around and kick Gu Lang senseless.

Naktu waved his knife menacingly, shouting threats in mongolian at Gu Lang, completely unconcerned whether he understood or not: “If you keep following us, we’ll kill you!”

Behind Gu Lang, the black bear bore down on them, its red eyes blazing with fury. Clutched upside-down in Gu Lang’s hand, Wang Ping could clearly see blood smeared around the beast’s mouth.

The bear roared, seemingly recognizing Wang Ping and recalling unpleasant memories. With renewed ferocity, it surged forward.

Naktu and Damuge dared not waste energy cursing anymore, focusing solely on running for their lives.

Slowly but surely, the two men ahead began to wheeze, while Gu Lang, moving with effortless speed, closed the gap. He was now neck-and-neck with Naktu, poised to overtake him.

“Arghhh!” Naktu growled, veins bulging in his neck as he pushed himself harder, narrowly pulling ahead of Gu Lang.

But less than a minute later, Gu Lang caught up once more, overtaking him with mechanical indifference and closing in on Damuge.

“Ugh… AAAAAH!!” Naktu’s face contorted with rage, teeth bared as he wildly swung his machete, nearly striking Gu Lang multiple times. His frantic movements mirrored the iconic chase scene from Crazy Stone, where Huang Bo was pursued by a bakery owner on an electric scooter.

Unfortunately, his swings missed their mark, throwing off his balance and causing him to stumble further behind.

Running truly was the most infuriating sport. No matter how hard you pushed yourself, seeing someone steadily surpass you was maddening and soul-crushing.

Despite his frustration, all Naktu could do was grit his teeth and keep running. Ahead of him, Gu Lang was already catching up to Damuge, who unleashed a frustrated roar, nearly tripping over his own feet in anger.

Watching the twisted expressions on the faces of the two men behind him, Wang Ping couldn’t help but chuckle inwardly.

So it wasn’t just him who felt this way—when Gu Lang got into full “senseless mode,” he became utterly insufferable.

Wang Ping recalled a joke he’d heard once: Two men encountered a tiger in the mountains. One immediately tightened his shoelaces, preparing to flee. His companion, despairing, asked, “What’s the point? You can’t outrun a tiger!” To which the man replied, “I don’t need to outrun the tiger—I just need to outrun you.”

“Tsk tsk, Gu Lang managed to outrun both of them! Truly impressive,” Wang Ping thought wryly, suppressing laughter.

He suddenly wished he could interview Naktu, currently bringing up the rear, to ask what was going through his mind.

Not far ahead, however, things took a turn. Damuge suddenly shouted something in Mongolian, prompting both he and Naktu to veer sharply left, heading toward the beach beyond the treeline.

Less than fifty meters away, the black bear hesitated momentarily as the group split apart, letting out a low growl. Then, locking onto Gu Lang’s retreating figure, it charged forward with renewed vigor.

Wang Ping’s amusement vanished instantly.

“For fuck’s sake, do you know what those two bastards have strapped to their backs? They’re carrying your comrade’s remains! Why aren’t you chasing them instead of us?!”

Swinging his body during another forceful toss, Wang Ping used the momentum to hoist himself upward, wrapping his arms around Gu Lang’s arm.

“Gu Lang, wake up!” he shouted, one claw gripping Gu Lang’s sleeve while the other slapped repeatedly against his forearm. “You’re all alone now! Stop running and block those slowpokes!”

The streamer remained stoic, unfazed by external distractions, allowing Wang Ping to slap his arm raw—a testament to his status as the ultimate “escape machine.”

On the other side, Damuge and Naktu had reached the riverbank and waded into the water.

“You’ve got quick thinking—once we’re in the water, the bear won’t be able to track our scent. We can cross to the other side!” Having made his decision, Naktu no longer bothered talking about rescuing companions, honestly following his instincts.

Without a word, Damuge slung the shotgun across his chest and began trudging upstream.

“Where are you going?” Naktu frowned.

“The goods in Sasgo’s backpack—we need to retrieve them,” Damuge replied coldly.

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