Otaku Translation: Honey Badger's Streaming Life C90

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It’s probably true that only in China could someone turn even breakfast into an art form. But Wang Ping didn’t mind; thanks to the fried fish, he decided to overlook the unwanted head-patting and happily scampered off to the couch with his prize. It was only when eating that Wang Ping truly appreciated the perks of this body. Buzz-Cut Bro’s teeth were sharp enough to make anything taste delicious.

Dahei, seeing Wang Ping munching on his fish, lingered in the kitchen, unwilling to leave. Its doggy face practically begged for attention as it wagged its tail furiously at Grandma Sheng. But instead of rewarding it with food, she bent down, picked up the trash bag from the kitchen bin, and handed it over to it. “Dahei, go take out the garbage.”

“Whine…”

No fish for him—only errands. With a dejected glance at Wang Ping, Dahei reluctantly grabbed the trash bag in his mouth and slunk out the door.

Grandma Sheng remained blissfully unaware of what her two companions had been up to earlier. If she’d known how Wang Ping had thoroughly humiliated her mountain patrolman on her very own tea plantation, there wouldn’t have been any fried fish—or even fish bones—for him to enjoy.

But adults have their pride. After grumbling curses under his breath for nearly half an hour on the mountaintop, the patrolman ultimately swallowed his grievances and didn’t report the incident to Grandma Sheng. Inwardly, he cursed all these animals, calling them lunatics—and his own dog wasn’t spared either.

Ever since Grandma Sheng stopped patrolling the mountains herself and left the task to Dahei, the dog had become something of a legend in Shengjiawu. Intelligent, obedient dogs like it were rare, especially ones that not only patrolled the hills but also helped around the village. Whether it was carrying trash or fetching groceries, Dahei was always lending a paw.

Even people who weren’t fond of dogs found themselves wishing they could own one like him—including the patrolman. Hoping to replicate Dahei’s brilliance, the man adopted a dog of his own and kept it in his yard, dreaming that it would grow just as clever.

As the saying goes, among a hundred people, you’ll find every type. The same holds true for dogs. Before getting his own pup, the patrolman used to enjoy a quick nap after Dahei woke him in the morning. But ever since adopting his new dog, sleep had become a distant memory. Every time Dahei left, his own dog went berserk, barking nonstop like a wronged bride. No amount of scolding could stop it.

The patrolman often lamented why everyone else’s dogs seemed so well-behaved while his was such a dunce. Of course, if he knew the real reason behind his dog’s excitement, he’d be cursing Dahei instead.

Wang Ping had come to realize that Dahei was the epitome of deceptive innocence—seemingly simple-minded but secretly mischievous.

Despite staying up all night and climbing a mountain early in the morning, Wang Ping felt surprisingly energized. Perhaps venting his frustrations had lifted his spirits. Either way, he was now brimming with restless energy.

After finishing his fried fish, Wang Ping decided to find something else to occupy himself with. Dahei still hadn’t returned from wherever it’d gone to dispose of the trash, so Wang Ping wiped his greasy paws and made his way upstairs to Gu Lang’s bedroom.

Quietly turning the doorknob, Wang Ping slipped inside. Compared to his own cramped quarters, Gu Lang’s room was spacious. To the right of the entrance stood a small bathroom door, while the center of the room featured a large bed. A private balcony lay beyond the curtains, currently drawn shut.

On the bedside table sat an alarm clock set for noon, alongside a scattered assortment of clothes, a phone, a tablet, and a blanket tossed carelessly on the floor. Gu Lang himself lay sprawled across the bed in nothing but shorts, mimicking a discus thrower’s pose—one leg stretched forward, the other back, one hand resting on his knee, the other flung behind him. His face was pressed sideways into the mattress, mouth agape, drool pooling on the sheets.

“Disgusting!”

Perched atop the nightstand, Wang Ping rested his chin on one paw, contemplating mischief.

Whether it was the aftermath of emotional release or the lingering shock of Jacob’s death, Wang Ping felt like someone had wound a spring inside him. He was buzzing with restless energy, unable to sit still.

His eyes roamed over Gu Lang’s comically heroic sleeping posture. Drawing on his face? Too childish. Setting multiple alarms under the bed? Not enough clocks to pull it off.

Then Wang Ping’s gaze drifted downward, settling on a certain object slightly tented by morning enthusiasm.

Hmm… Didn’t Gu Lang’s storage room have a set of watercolor markers?

With that thought, Wang Ping exited the room and headed toward the storage area. Sure enough, buried among piles of forgotten childhood items, he found a box of elementary-school-grade watercolor pens adorned with Sailor Moon designs. Unfortunately, years of neglect had dried out the ink inside.

Fortunately, the box also contained unopened plastic capsules filled with colored ink. Selecting a bright red one, Wang Ping gently carried it in his mouth and retraced his steps, carefully restoring the ceiling panel before sneaking back into Gu Lang’s room.

Not wanting to risk poking an eye (or worse) with his sharp claws, Wang Ping avoided touching Gu Lang’s underwear. Instead, he used his claw to puncture the capsule and poured its contents directly onto the tented area beneath the blankets.

The sudden chill must have done the trick because Gu Lang’s morning vigor quickly retreated. Frowning in his sleep, he scratched his nose and rolled over.

Wang Ping ducked just in time to avoid a swinging leg, then scurried off the bed with the empty capsule in tow, hiding nearby to watch the chaos unfold.

Meanwhile, Dahei had returned from taking out the trash. Finding no sign of Wang Ping in the living room, it sniffed around the couch before standing in the doorway, staring thoughtfully at the staircase.

Grandma Sheng, carrying a plate of freshly fried fish, passed through the living room. Spotting Dahei, she said, “Dahei, go wake Xiao Lang up for breakfast!”

“Woof!”

Dahei barked once and trotted toward the stairs.

Wang Ping had briefly considered tampering with the alarm clock, worried that waiting for Gu Lang to wake up naturally might make him look foolish. But before he could act, the door creaked open again, and Dahei entered, tail wagging. After spotting Wang Picuddled guiltily behind the nightstand, Dahei joined him, sitting beside him and barking loudly at the sleeping figure on the bed.

“Woof woof!”

“Mmm…”

Gu Lang groaned and shifted in his sleep.

“Woof woof!”

“Ugh… I’m up, I’m up!”

Grumbling, Gu Lang reached for the alarm clock on the nightstand, squinted at it, and scratched his head as he sat up.

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