Otaku Translation: Honey Badger's Streaming Life C94

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Of course, not everyone gets a personal entourage. It’s not like you can demand a full crew just because you’re a rookie itching to venture into the Sahara Desert, right? Take Bear Grylls, for example. Sure, people admire him as the man at the top of the food chain, but what about the unseen photographer behind the lens, capturing every death-defying moment? Now that’s dedication.

But if it were Gu Lang—also known as "Third Brother Gu"—even the most seasoned cameraman would refuse to tag along on his reckless adventures. That’s where waivers come in handy, serving as a buffer when things inevitably go south. Unfortunately, our lazy streamer here seemed oblivious to all this—or perhaps he’d simply forgotten after enduring a week of pranks pulled by a certain mischievous critter.

By the time Chen Bai angrily dialed the number of said individual, Wang Ping was already cruising past Huzhou City in a Jeep Wrangler.

Chen Bai, who had been debating whether to spend the day teasing new arrivals on the gaming channel or mooching off the foodie streamers, suddenly found himself scrambling. He rushed over to the legal department to draft an emergency waiver, grabbed the broadcasting equipment originally intended for Gu Lang, and hightailed it to Shanghai Airport.

The guy on the other end of the phone sounded utterly nonchalant, which only fueled Chen Bai’s rage. Did this clown think he was Bear Grylls? Where did this blind confidence come from?

The journey from Hangzhou City to Hohhot City in Inner Mongolia Province spanned 1,700 kilometers of highway, costing between 800 and 900 yuan—not including fuel. A skilled driver could make the trip in under 20 hours. Gu Lang fancied himself one such expert, but even he wasn’t reckless enough to risk fatigue driving. So, true to form, he stuck to his plan: resting at toll booths every four hours and sleeping in nearby hotels overnight.

As a result, by the time Gu Lang finally showed up in Hohhot, as calm as ever, Chen Bai—who had raced to the city in a frantic and fuming state—had already spent two long, frustrating days waiting for him.

Upon meeting, before Chen Bai could grill him about his plans, he exploded, “When I called you, didn’t you say you were almost here?!”

Thinking back to those two agonizing days spent twiddling his thumbs in Hohhot, Chen Bai felt murderous.

“But I was almost here!” Gu Lang replied innocently.

“You liar!” Chen Bai sputtered. “I’ve been waiting for two whole days! TWO DAYS! And you call that ‘almost here’?!”

“Ohhh, you meant that,” Gu Lang smirked, shrugging shamelessly. “I thought you were asking if I’d reached Linyang. I was close to Linyang—I even waited for you there. But then you went ahead and bought a ticket to Hohhot instead. Anyway, why exactly are you in such a hurry to see me?”

Standing on Wantong Road, Chen Bai felt his head throbbing with barely contained fury. His veins pulsed like molten lava coursing through his body.

Knock knock knock.

From inside the Wrangler, Wang Ping impatiently tapped on the car window, interrupting their pointless exchange.

“What’s taking so long? Didn’t we agree to eat first?”

Chen Bai froze mid-sentence, startled by the sight of an irritated furry face glaring at him through the glass. Though he’d signed the contract, this was his first encounter with the infamous critter everyone whispered about.

---

Half an hour later, outside a barbecue joint named Kerqin Charcoal-Grilled Lamb Legs in Jinyu Alley, Chen Bai slumped onto a plastic chair, massaging his throbbing temples. If one came to Inner Mongolia, how could they skip out on authentic Mongolian-style barbecue?

True to form, Wang Ping had sniffed out the scent of grilled meat from miles away. Perched atop the dashboard, he directed Gu Lang to pull up outside the bustling eatery. They secured a spot beneath one of the open-air pavilions, surrounded by rows of lively diners.

It was early evening, and soon the peak hours for barbecue lovers would descend upon them.

Gu Lang ordered a plate of roasted lamb leg, then turned to consult Wang Ping, who was lounging in the shadows of another chair. After confirming the order, he added two more plates of grilled ribs. While they waited for the food, Chen Bai decided to broach the subject of business—only to watch in disbelief as Gu Lang pulled out a pack of cigarettes and handed one to Wang Ping.

Chen Bai stared, dumbfounded. What on earth was this lunatic doing?

As Gu Lang shielded the lighter’s flame to light Wang Ping’s cigarette, Chen Bai felt his worldview shatter into tiny pieces. This duo was utterly unhinged!

To be fair, Wang Ping hadn’t planned on smoking in public. But when Gu Lang offered him a cigarette mid-daydream, he absentmindedly accepted. And once lit, well, might as well finish it rather than waste it. Besides, no one else noticed the glowing ember tucked away in the shadowy corner of Wang Ping’s seat—except Chen Bai, who now questioned the sanity of anyone willing to sign a contract with these two walking disasters.

Desperate to wrap things up, Chen Bai pushed forward with the waiver. Once signed, he vowed to flee straight back to Shanghai. Every second longer in Hohhot threatened to obliterate his remaining sense of normalcy.

“Oh, right! I also brought you some live-streaming gear. It’s at the hotel—I’ll give it to you later.” Seizing a rare lull in conversation, Chen Bai hurriedly addressed the matter, hoping to avoid any further surprises from Gu Lang.

“Gear?” Gu Lang tilted his head, skepticism dripping from his tone. “I already have my own setup…”

Translation: Your stuff is trash, and I don’t need it.

Chen Bai’s face flushed red—not from embarrassment, but sheer frustration. How had this polite, humble man transformed into such an insufferable jerk since their arrival?

Still, Gu Lang’s dismissal wasn’t entirely unwarranted. Current streaming tech mostly consisted of high-definition cameras, microphones, and drones—which, despite their fancy features, were cumbersome and impractical outdoors. The dream of infinite battery-powered, self-flying drones that adjusted focus autonomously remained firmly entrenched in the realm of online fiction, alongside virtual reality helmets and rejuvenation pods as the holy trinity of unattainable tech.

So yeah, no wonder Gu Lang trusted his custom satellite signal converter more than whatever nonsense Douyu threw his way.

Meanwhile, Wang Ping couldn’t care less. When the server delivered a platter of perfectly charred lamb ribs, he abandoned the awkward small talk entirely. Tossing aside his cigarette butt, he snatched a glistening rib and dove in with gusto.

Ah, the crispy skin gave way to tender, juicy meat, layered with rich, velvety fat nestled snugly between flesh and bone. With a gentle tug, the meat separated effortlessly from the bone. In under two minutes, a clean rib lay discarded on the table. Wang Ping reached eagerly for the next piece.

Just as Chen Bai stretched out his hand to grab a rib, his fingers brushed against Wang Ping’s claws. Meeting the critter’s glowing night-vision eyes in the dim light, he silently pushed the plate toward him.

“Ahem… Those ribs were actually meant for Boss…” Gu Lang chimed in helpfully.

Chen Bai sighed inwardly. All he wanted was to escape back to Shanghai.

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