Otaku Translation: Honey Badger's Streaming Life C74

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Under a nearby parasol, Wang Ping lay sprawled out on his back, limbs splayed like a contented otter. Gu Lang had playfully perched a pair of sunglasses on his face, giving him an absurdly comical appearance. Zhang Jianming, who was seeing such human-like behavior from a honey badger for the first time, couldn’t help but marvel. This encounter completely upended his previous notions about these creatures.

Online memes and news reports often depicted honey badgers as belligerent troublemakers—famous more for their short tempers than their intelligence. Their reputation leaned heavily toward violence, irrationality, and unpredictability. Perhaps, Zhang mused, all he’d known before were mere hearsay?

Still, while logic dictated that secondhand knowledge wasn’t always reliable, there was no denying the difference between watching videos and facing reality firsthand. Despite Gu Lang’s repeated assurances that Wang Ping wouldn’t harm anyone unless provoked, Zhang stubbornly moved to sit on Gu Lang’s other side, keeping a safe distance from the lounging critter.

After some idle chatter about what had happened since they last met, Zhang assumed Wang Ping had dozed off, allowing them to speak more freely. He silently berated himself for being so tense—why exactly was he acting this way? Meanwhile, behind his dark glasses, Wang Ping’s eyes darted between bikini-clad women on the distant shore, though his ears remained keenly attuned to their conversation.

“So… you’re planning to bring it back home?” Zhang suddenly raised his voice by several octaves, startling both Gu Lang and Wang Ping.

Had something been overlooked?

“Brother Zhang, why are you getting so worked up? I’m just asking around to see what procedures need to be followed. Rest assured, if I’m going through with this, I’ll follow official channels,” Gu Lang said with a chuckle.

“Little Gu, I don’t mean to discourage you,” Zhang sighed, shaking his head. “The issue isn’t on our end. Though this… uh, honey badger of yours was encountered in the wild without any formal adoption process, your contribution to helping authorities catch poachers smooths over those concerns.”

“The problem lies with China,” Zhang continued. “You might not know this, but Chinese customs enforces extremely strict regulations regarding animals entering the country. Even if you have all the necessary paperwork and health certificates, only cats and dogs are permitted—and even then, only one pet per person!”

What?!

At this revelation, both Gu Lang and Wang Ping wore expressions of utter bewilderment. Since when did this rule come into effect? How had they missed it?

“Wait, that can’t be right, Brother Zhang!” For once, Gu Lang’s mind raced with clarity. “Think about it—people in China keep all sorts of exotic pets now: Burmese pythons, red-eared sliders, chameleons, even giant Australian spiders. Are we really supposed to believe these came domestically?”

Zhang Jianming: … Damn, how had this fool managed to stump him?

“Perhaps… commercial import policies differ…” Zhang offered uncertainly.

Seeing Gu Lang’s eyes darting, likely concocting some harebrained scheme, Zhang quickly interjected, “I strongly advise against trying anything sneaky. Both you and your furry companion here are minor public figures in China now—you never know who’s watching. Unless…”

“Unless what?” Gu Lang seized on the hint of possibility in Zhang’s tone.

“I do know of certain exceptions,” Zhang mused after a pause. “Animals with specialized roles, like international search-and-rescue dogs or guide dogs, are allowed entry. There are also cases where monkeys or chimpanzees used for experiments or performances gain approval. Maybe… maybe you could try pursuing something along those lines?”

“Him?” Gu Lang stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Are you suggesting my boss here gets certified as a police dog?”

Police dog certification?!

Both Zhang Jianming and Wang Ping rolled their eyes simultaneously—one visibly dramatic, the other subtly restrained.

Suppressing his exasperation, Zhang took a calming breath before continuing patiently, “What I mean is, you could position him as a guest performer and sign performance agreements with domestic media outlets. That way, during the performance period, he’d legally stay in the country while bypassing immigration restrictions altogether.”

“Aha! Brilliant idea—I hadn’t thought of that!” Gu Lang exclaimed, eyes lighting up.

Turning away, Zhang felt utterly drained dealing with Gu Lang’s erratic mix of brilliance and idiocy.

Still, Zhang’s suggestion did give Gu Lang pause. Obtaining professional certifications would likely prove impossible. No matter how much smarter Wang Ping was compared to most dogs, officials probably wouldn’t issue credentials labeling him as a “search-and-rescue badger” or “guide badger.” After all, honey badgers’ notoriously volatile temperaments raised legitimate concerns—who knew whether he’d lead a blind person straight into a ditch?

On the other hand, framing Wang Ping as a performing guest seemed far more feasible. Gu Lang wasn’t exactly unknown on Douyu—he had built a modest following. Why not leverage that platform now?

With the serious discussion concluded, it wasn’t long before the embassy called Zhang Jianming, instructing him to bring Gu Lang in for processing. Leaving Wang Ping back in the room, Gu Lang changed into slightly more formal attire purchased earlier that day and set off cheerfully with Zhang.

Back in the suite, Wang Ping amused himself with the tablet for a while, checked his healing nose wound in the mirror, and eventually indulged in a hot bath in the sink. By the time Gu Lang returned, looking thoroughly deflated as the sun dipped low over the ocean, Wang Ping stood atop the coffee table drying his fur with a hairdryer, inwardly smirking.

Looks like it wasn’t exactly a praise session.

Wang Ping’s guess was spot-on.

Gu Lang had initially assumed the embassy summoned him because of his role in uncovering poachers in Ngorongoro Conservation Area and leading them on a wild goose chase, buying time for military intervention—a move that supposedly bolstered China’s image abroad. At the start of the meeting, an embassy official indeed commended him briefly.

But what followed was an exhaustive lecture covering survival guides, travel precautions, legal differences between countries, and various mandatory educational sessions. His decision to rent a car and roam alone in South Africa instead of immediately contacting the government for security escorts earned him a full thirty minutes of scathing criticism.

Gu Lang barely remembered leaving the embassy; his mood mirrored the shame of being hauled into a teacher’s office as a teenager. Some people learn from mistakes, growing wiser each time. Others remain stubbornly unchanged, falling repeatedly in the same spot.

By dinner, however, the memory of the reprimand faded entirely as room service delivered two massive lobsters. Sharing one each, Gu Lang and Wang Ping happily devoured their meal, forgetting all about the embassy ordeal.

Before reaching out to Douyu to discuss positioning Wang Ping as a guest performer, one crucial task remained.

“Boss, tomorrow morning, I’ll take you to the quarantine center for a rabies vaccine shot.” came Gu Lang’s muffled voice from behind a lobster shell.

Snap!

Wang Ping froze mid-bite, instinctively snapping the lobster shell in half.

A shot?

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