Otaku Translation: Honey Badger's Streaming Life C108

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He'd been so furious with Gu Lang that he’d forgotten they were deep in the Greater Khingan Mountains, where there wasn’t a single bar of cell service to begin with. Fortunately, that idiot had brought a portable Wi-Fi hotspot, which meant Chen could still send a voice message over WeChat to stop whatever nonsense Gu Lang was up to.

"Gu Lang... Gu Lang..." After hanging up, Chen scrolled through his WeChat contacts for what felt like an eternity, his frustration boiling over as he slammed his fist on the table. "Damn it! Why do I have to add so many random people as friends?"

Just then, from the laptop screen sitting in front of him, a slightly awkward voice piped up: "Ahem... uh, Boss, did you happen to bring a lighter?"

"...” The figure before the screen froze mid-action.

On the live stream chat, the previously chaotic flood of messages—debating whether or not to call the police—suddenly synchronized into rows of ellipses. No one knew quite what to say. Finally, after what felt like forever, one viewer managed to type out a coherent sentence:

"Freaking... Idiot..."

Chen stared at the screen, mouth agape, watching the equally wide-eyed and bewildered badger-like creature, shaking his head with a bitter laugh. "What kind of fool have I signed up for here?!"

Though secretly relieved that no fires could be started in the forest due to the lack of a lighter, Wang Ping couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d somehow stepped into a cosmic joke.

If we didn’t bring anything useful, can we at least skip the survival drama and just focus on getting somewhere safe? Moving faster would get us to help sooner—and maybe even let me grab a smoke break while we’re at it.

Speaking of smoking, Wang Ping suddenly realized something was missing between his teeth.

Not only had Gu Lang forgotten a lighter; he hadn’t packed the cigarettes Wang Ping specifically asked him to bring. Not that Wang Ping himself remembered either.

For a long moment, man and animal locked eyes. Then, with a heavy sigh, Gu Lang stood up, took the pot filled with water, and placed it in a sunny spot. “If we can’t boil water,” he muttered, “at least the sunlight might disinfect it…”

“That’s it. This guy is impossible.”

Giving up on trying to rush him, Wang Ping noticed a bar of soap lying nearby. He flipped open the plastic case, grabbed the soap with his claws, and scrubbed it haphazardly over his head, creating lather before darting off to rinse in the stream.

Meanwhile, Gu Lang settled under the shade of a tree, leaning against its trunk. He pulled out a tablet attached to his vest via Velcro straps and began reviewing their route. But when he opened the app to check the live comments, his expression froze. Scrolling back through the chat history, his face grew redder by the second.

Wang Ping spat out a mouthful of water, shaking his head vigorously as he emerged from the stream. To wash away the suds, he’d dunked his entire head underwater, leaving his ears now full of liquid. For a brief moment, everything went silent—not just for Wang Ping, but seemingly for the whole world.

In that span of distraction, neither Wang Ping nor Gu Lang noticed the approaching footsteps echoing from deeper within the woods.

When Wang Ping finally shook off the excess water and tuned back into the sounds of the forest, something about the atmosphere seemed… off.

Why did it feel so eerily quiet all of a sudden?

Sniffing the air cautiously, Wang Ping caught a whiff of something musky and foul.

“What the hell is Gu Lang doing now?”

Standing waist-deep in the stream, Wang Ping turned toward Gu Lang, who sat beneath a tree engrossed in whatever he was reading on his tablet. But Wang Ping’s attention wasn’t on Gu Lang—it was fixed firmly behind him.

Peering over Gu Lang’s shoulder loomed the massive head of a black bear, its hot breath nearly fogging the screen of the tablet. A classic Greater Khingan black bear, it sported a distinctive white "V" marking on its chest. Its sheer size left little doubt that it could crush Gu Lang’s skull in an instant if provoked. Presumably drawn to the stream for a drink, the bear had instead become fascinated by Gu Lang—or rather, the glowing device in his hands.

Even stranger still, the bear appeared genuinely curious, paw resting casually on the tree trunk like some bizarre woodland buddy scene.

“Shit, what do I do?”

Stuck in the middle of the stream, Wang Ping felt torn. Warning Gu Lang risked startling the bear—but letting the situation play out naturally was equally perilous. And the proximity between the two made any subtle intervention impossible.

“Ahhhh…”

Having scrolled through every comment, Gu Lang let out a resigned sigh.

This trip was turning into a disaster. Sure, getting bitten by a snake earlier had been embarrassing, but death isn’t always literal—it’s often the fear of dying that leaves the deepest impression. So while viewers laughed, Gu Lang could accept their mockery. What really stung was realizing how carelessly he’d overlooked basic wilderness rules, like not starting fires in protected forests. No wonder the audience had nearly called the authorities.

Feeling a dampness on his scalp, Gu Lang scratched absently, glancing up to see Wang Ping standing stock-still in the water.

“Boss, done washing already?”

Wang Ping: …

Telling Gu Lang about the bear right now might send him spiraling. Instead, Wang Ping gestured subtly with his claw, hoping to lure Gu Lang closer without alarming the predator.

As folklore goes, bears generally avoid attacking humans unless provoked—or hungry.

“Hopefully this one’s already eaten…” Wang Ping prayed silently.

“What is it?”

Seeing Wang Ping motioning, Gu Lang instinctively rose to his feet.

To Wang Ping’s relief, the bear showed no immediate reaction, merely following Gu Lang’s gaze toward Wang Ping with mild curiosity. But fate, ever cruel, intervened.

Suddenly, Gu Lang’s throat felt parched.

“Oh yeah, my sun-warmed water…”

Holding the tablet in one hand, Gu Lang spun around to retrieve the pot by the stream. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of the looming bear.

Gu Lang: …

“Oh sht…”

Wang Ping quietly adjusted his stance, preparing to leap into action at a moment’s notice.

The tension in the forest thickened. Anticipating Gu Lang’s likely over-the-top reaction, Wang Ping braced himself for the worst.

After ten agonizing seconds, Gu Lang moved—but not in the way Wang Ping expected.

In a flash, the livestream host raised his arm and hurled the tablet directly into the bear’s face with shocking force.

Smack!

Viewers only glimpsed a blur of movement—a stunned badger-like face flashing across the screen—before the feed cut to black, signaling the broadcaster had gone offline.

The shattered remains of the tablet lay scattered everywhere, its battery bent beyond recognition. Clearly, Gu Lang had thrown it with everything he had.

The bear recoiled in pain, confusion flickering across its features. Before either beast or honey badgercould react further, Gu Lang spun on his heels and bolted without uttering a word.

No screams, no panic, no collapsing legs—just pure, determined sprinting.

Wang Ping watched as Gu Lang raced along the streambank, his jaw clenched, eyes wide with steely resolve. As Gu Lang passed Wang Ping without so much as a glance, a sense of familiarity washed over him.

“Holy crap… Usain Bolt, is that you?”

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